Jogging in the sun

I reckon it's important to challenge yourself. Don't get me wrong, so often I cannot be bothered to change my ways, it's difficult, time-consuming, and so often it feels like I've got it all figured out, so why would I change anything about a life I already love?

Well, there's days when I wake up and I already am in a bad mood, and these are usually the days that then turn out fun because the bad mood means I'll do anything to feel better. As I was jogging today in the sun, enjoying the people, the city and its buzz, the green grass next to the canal, the bars and cafes I whizzed by, leaving their customers befuddled with this odd jogging girl, it occurred to me that the reason I was having such a good day was that I had had a bad morning.

See what I did there? Those of you who know me will be confused how it is that I casually dropped into a sentence that I went jogging, when I've spent countless conversations with countless people explaining to them that jogging was the Devil incarnate.  Yet, earlier today, when the sun first peeked through my window and asked if I wanted to come out and play, then saw I enjoyed its company and cheerfully invited itself inside our apartment and certainly inside my body, I felt this overwhelming energy. Yes, Sun, I will come out and play with you!

I knew that thinking about it twice would mean I'd spend another afternoon in my room in front of my laptop, so instead I put on my shoes and closed the door behind me. It's not about the jogging, or even whether I liked it (I came back 20 minutes later, with my tongue out, panting like a dog!), it is about how much I've hated jogging for my whole life. All in good time, and I think today was the perfect day to try this particular thing. Had it been any other day, had I been in a different mood or in a different place, my whole experience would, of course, have been different too. You can't force yourself to like everything that you try, and that's OK, you don't have to like everything. You won't know until you've done it, anyway. But if you do things in your own time, and it happens to be the right time, there's nothing better than expanding your horizons a little bit. I think I may do this again tomorrow.

Though, probably, this was a one time thing and my enthusiasm will go away as quickly as it came.

Titanic [Handle with care. This side up.]

Celine Dion is still singing in the background as I type. I just watched Titanic for what is the 24th time. I have counted them.

It occurs to me that there are things which are of special importance in one's life. They are usually not rational, because anything but the air we breathe, the food we eat and the sleep that keeps us going, is an irrational attachment. These are the small things which alter our mood, which teach us a line or two, and which lines we then quote to our friends, perhaps even quote on a first date with the person we then end up sharing a lifetime of movie lines with. Or perhaps it's a silly line from a film that no-one ever cares about. Not all gestures are grand, not all stories are magical, not all romances end well. But it is important to stay grounded, remember where you came from, for better or for worse. Not to worry- go back to those things that made you happy, those things that have meant something to you- they are those true anchors which will help you if you're feeling a bit confused. Much like Rose and Jack's love, a true love lasts a lifetime. The things that made you smile before, the movies you keep watching over and over again, the places that you seem to always end up at, the people you keep ringing- these are your anchors, and since you've invested so much time and emotion in them, the investment will repay you. The little pieces of your heart that you've scattered around your world are  like a map of your life. Keep it safe and take care of it, and it will guide you towards where you want to go, should you need help.

Here, in my room, it is 4.48 am, 24th time is a charm, much like the 23 times before. Here I am, discovering still more layers in one of my favourite films. And in a time when future looks a bit shaky, Titanic reminds me of all the intensity it has brought to my life, and the little lessons I've learned from it. Every time I watch it, I have changed slightly from the time before, and to me, watching Titanic is becoming a big highway in that map of my life- it reminds me where I was last time I watched it, and how far I've come from there. So, future is a bit uncertain... just because a century ago 2200 people felt their future was safe on board of the biggest ship of its time, it didn't make it so. Certainty is an illusion, all you are left with is yourself. And that is wonderful.